but Weight, there's more.......

Okay, so the doctors told me I was too fat to successfully carry a pregnancy (well not in so many words but..) I decided I was going to prove them wrong! So began a long 10 months of overeating, eating shit food and absolutely no exercise whatsoever.. Ánd 10 months later - NO PREGNANCY! What the fuck was I doing? Depression maybe? Probably, but I wasn't going to go to a doctor to be put on anti depressants. Lived through that with my mum as a teenager - am not and will not do that to my kids. (I love you mum xx).

Then I met Miss A. She was vivacious, outgoing, beautiful and skinny. First time we had a conversation, she told me that she had a lapband and she used to weigh 140kgs. I wanted to be her. I asked her every question I could think of about lapbanding and over the next few months decided that's what I was going to do. I went to the seminar in September 2009 and signed up for health insurance the very next day. This was it - my life was going to change. In 12 months I would have the surgery and be on my way to skinny! I had my initial appointment and was told that I would have to wait 12 months after the surgery before even trying to conceive... 12 MONTHS!!!! WTF?? I went ahead and booked my surgery date - it is on the 20th September this year!! But then I walked out of the surgery and I changed my mind!! I must remember to cancel that appointment! Hahaha

They talk about 'moments' and I think that may have been mine. My imaginary friend slapped me across the face and said WAKE UP GIRL!! While lapbanding maybe the tool for some people - it isn't for me. I am sick of the quick fixes - the easy way out. I can do this, I know I can and I will.

My friend Miss B gave me the inspiration and gentle encouragement to join the gym. (B you really are a true friend xx). As of today, I am 7 kilos lighter by the scales but I already feel so much better. I can actually lie in bed at night without trying to catch my breath before falling asleep. I can do 12 minutes with my heartrate at 165 on the stair machine!!! That is a massive achievement for me. I have even tried bootcamp (yes it is as bad as it sounds!) but so worth it! The adrenalin that pumps through my body afterwards is fantastic. I am really starting to feel good again - ALIVE....

I know I have a long, hard road ahead of me and that's ok.. Rome wasn't built in a day. I am sure I will come across hurdles along the way too - but that's ok. Life wasn't meant to be easy. I am so sick of feeling sorry for myself and feeling like crap. On the 1st of February 2010 I changed my life. I am going to succeed... and my biggest success will be another child.. :))