Sometimes life can kick you in the guts.......

In November 2008 (2 years after my first child was born) we found out that we were expecting again.. The excitement was uncontrollable - life was finally going to plan for us. By the end of November that dream was gone. My child was gone. Only 8 weeks old - but still my baby. No explanation, no warnings - just gone...

This wasn't the first time for me. I miscarried a baby before my son was born, back in 2004 - he was 12 weeks old. We went for our first ultrasound - so excited, so in love with this little being that we had to wait 9 months to meet. I remember lying on the bench and craning my neck so I could have a look. My husband beside me holding my hand. His life was getting back on track - he had waited 10 years to continue on with his life plan. The ultrasound lady said she would need to do the u/s internally. I didn't even question why, just thought it was normal.. I waited while she moved this thing around inside me - she didn't say a word. Then she informed me she would need to get a senior to come and have a look and walked out of the room. What was happening? I didn't have a clue but a feeling of sickness washed over me and I guess I knew something was wrong. The senior came in, looked at the screen and said "The foetus doesn't have a heartbeat - take as long as you like in the cubicle and come out to the front desk when you are ready." And then she left. She just got up and walked out of the room while I lied there with a little baby in my belly whose heart wasn't beating - and screamed the cubicle down. And sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, while my poor hubby just sat there not knowing what to do. I still remember how I felt that day and it still brings a tear to my eye. :( The doctor booked me in for a D & C the next day and asked me if we would like to have the "foetus" tested. We did - and are glad we did. Our baby was diagnosed as having Triploidy. Too many chromosones and "not viable for life". This might sound really weird - but that gave me some comfort. If he had have survived the pregnancy, he wouldn't have survived for long.

Anyway, back to 2008 - we were told to wait 3 month before trying again and in late May 2009 we were pregnant again! Wow, that was easier than we thought. And very short lived - I was only 6 weeks when I miscarried again. My god! What is wrong with me?! Why can I not stay pregnant? All questions that I don't have the answer to and neither do the doctors. Not that they care - well that is how it felt. The same thing kept getting repeated to me over and over again - you are overweight................