Where have you been lady???

OH WOW!!!!! Fast forward two and a bit years!!  Can't believe it has been that long since I have blogged! Can't believe that the lady in the previous posts is gone again and I am back in a rut!  Regrets, regrets, regrets......... ahhhhhh! 

A quick (very quick) look at my life over the past two and a bit years.......

I ended up losing close to 20kgs and felt fantastic about myself and about life.. but I still failed to achieve that dream of having another baby :(  I came close again in September 2011, but unfortunately lost another little angel xx

So I lost weight and I still couldn't do it - I have questioned every little thing I have done (and not done).. Is it this?  Is it that?  Am I just a bad person that doesn't deserve to have what I so desire?

In May 2011 I lost my precious Nonna (grandmother) and I hit a wall.  (little did I know that the worst was yet to come)  I struggled to come to terms with losing Nonna. She was everything I wanted to be in a woman.  She was my Queen.  She had a loving marriage, had just celebrated 60 years together!! I mean, 60 freaking years and still in love.  I have thought about walking out of my not even 10 year marriage more than once!  I'm sure they had their struggles but they never let us (her grandkids, all 30+ of us) see it.  To us, they were perfect.  Prince Charming and his Snow White.  And she was a wonderful mother and grandmother - I WANT TO BE LIKE HER....

I guess my life started to take a turn for the worse at this point. I started eating badly again and the exercise stopped completely. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what started to happen but I just didn't care. 

Fast forward to December 2011.... On my facebook status on the morning of the 31st of December I wrote something to the effect of "Good Riddance to one of the worst years of my life. Bring on 2012."............
At 6.30pm my phone rang. It was my mum. She was stumbling for words. "Ely, your dad has died"...... I guess 2011 couldn't let me go without that last kick in the guts. My world was about to spiral out of control....................